Gidday,
Tit bits to while away some time.
Reg
T.R.
>> THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
>>
>> During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip
>> club at least once.
>>
>> All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
>>
>> All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
>> level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
>>
>> The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
>> No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
>> travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
>>
>> Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
>> not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
>>
>> A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
>> will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
>>
>> Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
>> night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
>>
>> If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
>> noises in their most revealing underwear.
>>
>> Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
>>
>> Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man
>> invulnerable to bullets.
>>
>> If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be
>> cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake,
>> keep your mouth shut.
>>
>> Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
>>
>> A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
>>
>> All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
>> readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
>>
>> When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
>>
>> When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and
>> wisecracks are your best weapons.
>>
>> One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them
>> than 20 men firing at 1 man.
>>
>> Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated
>> more closely.
>>
>> If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath.
>> German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
>>
>> Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
>> communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
>>
>> Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from
>> international terrorist organizations - even though the job will
>> require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own
>> certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
>>
>> Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if
>> any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating
>> accident.
>>
>> All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of
>> software.
>>
>> Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
>> sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
>> opposite.
>>
>> When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
>> other.
>>
>> Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage
>> despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
>>
>> You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
>>
>> Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
>> unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
>> inside.
>>
>> You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a
>> bow tie.
>>
>> When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the
>> person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire
>> journey.
>>
>> An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no
>> lasting damage to an eight year old child.
>>
>> Having a job of any kind will make father's forget their son's
>> eighth birthday.
>>
>> Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down
>> three days before their retirement.
>>
>> If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world
>> expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
>>
>> The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they
>> will fall in love.
>>
>
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