The following aren't _exactly_ Europa-related, but I couldn't resist passing
them on :-)
Regards,
Jeremy
Jeremy Davey
Europa XS Monowheel 537M G-EZZA
It's good to know that some pilots have a sense of humour. Here are some
conversations that airline passengers normally don't hear. The following are
actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the
world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for
Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it
right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort
this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to
go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control
frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state.
Tension in every cockpit at LGW was running high.
Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you
once?"
_________________
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach
speed a little high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if
able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at
the lights and return to the airport."
***********************************
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
***********************************
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern and have already notified our caterers"
***********************************
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange; between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.";
The BA747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't
stop."
**********************************
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground
(in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English." Lufthansa (in
English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I
speak English?" Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you
lost the bloody war!"
_____
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