Off Topic.... but since you need "traffic "! couldn't resist the chance to
send this !!!!!
Apologies to those already burdened with it !!!!
Regards'
Bob Harrison G-PTAG
[Bob Harrison]
>> THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 55
>>
>> 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
>> 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
>> 3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
>> 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
>> 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
>> 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
>> 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
>> 8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
>> 9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
>> 10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
>> 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
>> 12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
>> 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
>> 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
>> the room.
>> 15. You sing along with elevator music.
>> 16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
>> 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
>> off.
>> 18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the weather
>> bureau.
>> 19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
>> remember them either.
>> 20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
>> 21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
>>
>>
>> A NEW BOOK FOR OVER 55 MEMBERS
>>
>> Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
>> 1. Sag, You're it.
>> 2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
>> 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
>> 4. Kick the bucket.
>> 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
>> 6. Doc Goose.
>> 7. Simon says something incoherent.
>> 8. Hide and go pee.
>> 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
>> 10. Musical recliners.
>>
>> Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
>> 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
>> 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is
>> using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just
>> saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
>> 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
>> 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives
>> you four hours of decent rest.
>> 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
>> 6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
>> field trip to a Chippendale's show.
>>
>> Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and fool
>> around," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment You on your new alligator
>> shoes and you're barefoot.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
>> opens the garage door.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
>> face.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as
>> long as you don't have to go along.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
>> instead of by the police.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to
>> take any fibre today.
>>
>> "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the
>> parking lot
>>
>>
>>
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